What SGA has meant to me...

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

So rude to post and run, but I want to put this out there and let everyone have a chance to think about the answers and share with us.

I've been struck by how many people I've heard say that SGA came into their lives at a particular time when they needed something to look forward to, something to get them through the hard times.

An excerpt of what I posted to beer_onthe_ pier, a thank you com developed for the mods of the McShep Awards:

"When I was twelve, I read everything I could find relating to Stark Trek: TOS. I read all the James Blish adaptations, I read every novelization and authorized story that was available. I had heard of fanzines and knew that dedicated fans wrote their own adventures and mailed them in to some mysterious location, where slump-shouldered editors with large glasses and giant mugs of coffee collated them and carefully reproduced them on mimeographed sheets—re-circulating them to impatient fans who wanted more, more, more of their favorite characters.

 

I just didn’t know how to find these people.

 

I wrote my own Star Trek stories. Strictly gen, as I had no idea what slash was (though even then I could see glimmerings of it in the anthology of fanfiction that I discovered by chance at the local bookstore). Mine were dreadful efforts, full of implausible occurrences and high drama and much emoting. Forget MarySue characterizations, heck, I placed myself squarely in the middle of each story, ‘accidentally’ transporting myself into Gene Roddenberry’s future. At the time, you could turn on the television any time of the day or night and find a local station carrying Star Trek. I re-watched the shows endlessly. I met my best friend in high school through a shared obsession with Star Trek. I didn’t share my stories with her though—even then, I knew they were hopeless expressions of love for my favorite characters, and not real stories. I had fun, but I was in a fandom of one.

 

In the late seventies, I fell in love with Battlestar Galactica. Yes, that  version. I know it is cheesy and dated but I loved the show and the characters. It was the one show I made a point to watch every week and my first time with fresh episodes and no knowledge of what was going to happen next. My friend and I began trading BSG stories—each writing an installment that would take the never-ending saga off in new and strange directions (sound familiar, Cep?). It was fun, this little fandom of two. I was so disappointed when the show was canceled. (The less said about Galactica 1980, the better) 

 

High school ended and my friend and I went separate ways. The demands of real life pushed writing fanfiction to the side. After all, it wasn’t like I was that great a writer anyway. I told myself it was time to grow up, to get serious about my life and career and put aside the games of youth. I couldn’t let go of the story-processing in my head though—I kept watching my favorite shows and weaving grandiose plotlines in which I could somehow be magically inserted into the action. I did wonder if I was somehow abnormal and at times tried to give up the storytelling, like it was a terrible addiction that was preventing me from making something of myself.

 

Truth was, it was the only thing that kept me sane at times, though I didn’t realize it at the time. And like most addicts, I would be ‘good’ for a while and then fall off the wagon as some adventure I saw on television or read in a favorite novel made me want to create my own stories again. They stayed in my head though, as though by not committing myself to paper, I wasn’t actually indulging in my childish bad habit.

 

Sometime in 2006, I discovered SGA. Finally, another show in which I could embrace completely and obsess over again! Only this time there was this whole huge fanfiction base that I found on such sites as Area 52 and Wraithbait. Hundreds of stories for me to read and immerse myself in—all about characters that intrigued and engaged me. I was thrilled—if only I’d had access to this kind of fandom when I was a kid!

 

And I began to write again. Small efforts at first, hampered by the fact that I’d not actually ever watched an episode at this point. But then I discovered the magic of downloads and DVDs and I could indulge in an orgy of viewing in order to catch up on my canon. I watched and read and learned and began to grow as a writer. 

 

And then I discovered slash. I gotta tell you, I became an instant convert. My reasons for preferring slash to everything else are many and varied and not necessarily what the average psychologist would tell you are the real reasons. They have to do mostly with the believability of a pairing for me, as well as the built-in angst and the need for me to keep any overt MarySueism at a distance. That’s neither here nor there. But I began writing McShep as a result.

 

I was still fairly isolated from fandom. I read stories online and I began to tentatively post my own, growing bolder with the positive feedback that I received on the big archive sites and writing voraciously when I should have been doing other things. I thought that was all there was. I considered myself lucky to have so much. I was writing again after a twenty-plus year hiatus and I couldn’t stop myself now if I tried. I didn’t want to either."

I went on to say that between the SGA Big Bang, the McKay/Sheppard Awards and the urging of the_cephalopod, I joined LJ and found this whole community waiting here for me.  What I didn't say that I'd just come off serving as my father's secondary caretaker for many years, working a FT job days and sitting with him from 6 pm til midnight every evening.  Every day off, we were at the doctors' office for chemo, for blood transfusions.  My entire life went on hold during that time period.

After his death, I worked every vacation, weekend, CE time, and sick leave time for a period of 2 years so that I could achieve specialized certification, quit my job and move to the place I wanted to live, starting my life over in my mid-forties. When I found SGA and rediscovered my love of writing, it was like finding *me* again, like coming out of stasis, like waking up from a coma.  Yeah, there's a lot of built-in emotional connection with a somewhat cheesy sci-fi show.  But it's my cheesy sci-fi show and I love it and the characters dearly for all that they've given me.  What I love best about SGA is that for all their strengths, just about everyone on the expedition is a misfit of some sort, and they all discovered the best in themselves in another galaxy.

Since I started my life over, I'm riding again, I've schooled with an Olympic coach, met a great guy, got the dog of my dreams, started my own business, discovered that the One True Passion in my life is writing, auditioned for a musical,  and submitted a piece of original fiction for sale.  I've taken risks.  I've done things I'd have never contemplated all those years sitting in my parent's house, waiting for my mother to come home. 

I've walked through the Gate.

Okay, that last bit was pretty corny.  Your turn now.

 

Comments

[kimboosan.livejournal.com]

There is so much I can relate to here, especially the ST:TOS experience of the 70s; I think I'm a little younger than you, but possibly not by much, as I remember the days when you could turn on the TV (by hand! No remote!) and get a ST rerun at any hour. LOL! Also with the very embarrassing fanfic (which, saints preserve us, Mother saved, the traitor).

I really love how you related the changes in your life to walking through the Gate. That's an awesome metaphor that I think I'll be using myself - we've walked through, we are still fundamentally ourselves, but we have changed and been changed and are still evolving. ♥

I relate a lot to Rodney, not in the super-genius aspect but the too-smart-for-his-own-good aspect and his complete lack of social skills. I GET that and I love how his character changed over time not necessarily to become more socially adept but, rather, by learning what is really important to him.

Thanks for sharing this.

[melagan.livejournal.com]

What I love best about SGA is that for all their strengths, just about everyone on the expedition is a misfit of some sort, and they all discovered the best in themselves in another galaxy.

So very much, This

[em_kellesvig]

Life does turn us that way, doesn't it? We try to hide in our own little worlds only to find there's a whole bunch of other people hiding there too, making it a fun place to be. :)

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

I miss the days when you could turn on the TV at any hour and find Star Trek. I was very resentful when Paramount started its own channel, pulling the Star Trek franchise with them. My basic cable didn't provide it (though considering what I have heard about the direction Enterprise took, maybe that's not such a bad thing :-)

I relate to Rodney's social insecurities and self-doubt when it comes to personal relationships. I love how Rodney matured over time but I think a large part of that was by finding a set of people became more than just colleagues, people who like him for who he is. :-)

[kimboosan.livejournal.com]

RE: Rodney - yes, this is true. And it is what makes me a dopey sucker for oblivious!Rodney and/or insecure!Rodney. Yeah, I know, I know. *sighhhh*

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

It's really what makes SGA different from the other SG series, isn't it? I suspect that it is one of the reasons that it appeals to so many people, you know?

I know SGU was supposed to be designed to create accessible characters that people could relate to, but I think that it isn't enough to to just have accessible characters, you have to have people that you can look up to as well. Characters that you'd want to work with, to have on your side.

I wish in many ways they'd kept the expedition isolated from Earth. :-)

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

I spent years on wraithbait, reading and posting on my own. I had no idea it was just the tip of the iceberg! I'm just now finding out about large pockets of fandom that I didn't know about before.

In some ways, it's kind of nice, being this late to the party. Now I can wander in, explore to my heart's content, and not worry about overstaying my welcome. :-)

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

:-)

I know. Truthfully, I identify more with John on a day to day basis. The family conflicts, the never measuring up to expectations...it's why seeing John come into his own in Atlantis is such a *good* thing to watch unfold. :-)

[gyri.livejournal.com]

What I love best about SGA is that for all their strengths, just about everyone on the expedition is a misfit of some sort, and they all discovered the best in themselves in another galaxy.

Yes. YES!!! And brought out the best in each other.

[shaddyr]

It's funny, but not really all the strange, to read your post and realize how many parts of my experience mirror your own. Which is basically what you were pointing out when you mentioned you've heard lots of people with similar stories, I guess!

I started in TOS, and even my psuedo hails back to those days. Like you and many others, life happened, things got in the way, and it took time before I found my way back to writing.

You, Mads, are an incredibly talented writer. You have the boys nailed down - your characterization and voicing is spot on. You weave plots that could easily be on the screen, you bring life to words on the paper. It's kinda like having my show back.

What SGA means to me is community, joy and a generosity of spirit that I haven't seen in a fandom in a long time. I've found this amazing community of artists and writers and fans who all GROK the concept, who all RELATE to the characters on some level (Rodney, oh Rodney!) and then want to share the SQUEE with each other, because it's just too damn good to let it end!

I've been dreading the day when the bloom was going to be off the rose and the writers and fans were going to drift away and there would be no one left in my fandom to bring it life. And people HAVE moved on to new and fresh fandoms, with living canon, but many have stayed! I don't know if it's because of the writing challenges, or the Big Bangs or what, but I don't care - as long as all of you keep playing in this playground, I'm staying.

I like it on this side of the gate.


Okay, that may be cheezey, but it's all good - I have wine to go with that!

[perfica.livejournal.com]

I was so excited when I found out that you'd created an account on LJ. I had found your stories recced all over the place then suddenly, you were here! And we talked to each other! And you're still writing!

You deserve a million <3's.

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

Yes! "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." :-)

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

*looks around to see who you are talking to*

You know, I had to go back to my inbox to make sure this was directed at me because I didn't think it was! I have to push your shoulder and say, "Get out of town," because I've never seen anything of mine recced anywhere. :-)

*shuffles feet and looks embarrassed*

Um, thank you!

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

You, Mads, are an incredibly talented writer. You have the boys nailed down - your characterization and voicing is spot on. You weave plots that could easily be on the screen, you bring life to words on the paper. It's kinda like having my show back.

Every time I think, "wow, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing," someone goes and tops it. :-)


I've been dreading the day when the bloom was going to be off the rose and the writers and fans were going to drift away and there would be no one left in my fandom to bring it life.
Me too, me too. But I remind myself that I was having fun when I was writing stories that essentially were for my own amusement and I can still do that as long as I *want* to tell those stories.

That's been the best thing about 'squee' parties. They remind me of all the things I love best about SGA. They also launch a ton of ideas in my head (some better than others) and now I want to do ten different things all at once.

However, since on a good day, my life is a little like the man in the circus twirling plates on a pole, I have to be realistic about how much castle-building I can do.

I have some friends who participate in closed fandoms that are over 40 years old, based on less than three seasons at times. As there are people writing, making vids and creating artwork, I think there will be people out there who appreciate it.

Sometimes I get a little worried at the idea of me at 80, still writing SGA stories in my head, but since I've been doing this as long as I can remember, I think that's just the way I am!

I like it on this side of the gate.

Ditto!

[margec01.livejournal.com]

Forget MarySue characterizations, heck, I placed myself squarely in the middle of each story, ‘accidentally’ transporting myself into Gene Roddenberry’s future.

Oh, yeah, I did (do) the very same thing and have for decades. I saved the Enterprise so many times back then, with my obscure knowledge of--fill in the blank. LOL! I knew it was crap, but it kept me entertained for years. BTW, it makes me feel a lot better these past few years to discover that I am not the only person who does this. It was my dirty little secret for so long, but now I can sigh with relief. I may not be NORMAL exactly, but there are many others of you out there whom I admire, and who live perfectly acceptable and sane lives, who do the same thing, so I am not insane!

My experience is different from yours, however, in that I can't get anything reasonable onto paper or computer screen. I can come up with ideas that are not Mary Sueish, but my fic writing is too convoluted to believe. My writing abilities mostly lie in the realm of technical specifications and instructional materials. I could probably give a step-by-step guide to giving a blowjob, but for some reason or other (g) the feeling would not be there. LOL But I find my limitations are mostly okay when I can enjoy all the great SGA fic out there--especially from you!

Speaking of your fics, I must apologize that I've totally broken down on commenting recently--to you and everyone else. Way too much going on in RL right now, almost all good but totally time consuming. It almost feels like the old days of a couple years ago--SO much great SGA fic coming out every day, and here I am, busy as hell. I can't keep up! And that's a GOOD thing!

[mezzo-cammin.livejournal.com]

I can relate to every single word you said. It's amazing. Only the first 'fanfic' I ever wrote was a story tag to one of the Doc Savage books by Kenneth Robeson. *g*

And that's what so cool - to come to SGA fandom and realize you are not alone. That you're not crazy. That daydreaming and spinning stories about characters in a TV show is not all that abnormal, after all. At first, I thought all the authors (and readers, for that matter) in the community were surely in their early 20s to 30s and I was the old woman who was trying to regain her youth or something, but this does not seem to be the case.

Yay for that!

And yay for you! What Shaddyr wrote about reading what you write is kind of like having the show back? I'd agree with that, but add, 'only better!'

:o)

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

BTW, it makes me feel a lot better these past few years to discover that I am not the only person who does this. It was my dirty little secret for so long, but now I can sigh with relief. I may not be NORMAL exactly, but there are many others of you out there whom I admire, and who live perfectly acceptable and sane lives, who do the same thing, so I am not insane!.

It's a good feeling, isn't it? To know it's not just you!

It's nice to hear that the lack of recent communication is for a good reason for a change--so often when someone drops out of sight, it's because of something bad!

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

And that's what so cool - to come to SGA fandom and realize you are not alone. That you're not crazy. That daydreaming and spinning stories about characters in a TV show is not all that abnormal, after all.

So maybe the people who don't do this are the 'nutty' ones?

At first, I thought all the authors (and readers, for that matter) in the community were surely in their early 20s to 30s and I was the old woman who was trying to regain her youth or something, but this does not seem to be the case.

I've met you and you are *not* an old woman! Never met anyone I'd be less likely to label that. And you know what? 'Old woman' is more of a mentality than an age bracket.


And yay for you! What Shaddyr wrote about reading what you write is kind of like having the show back? I'd agree with that, but add, 'only better!'

Stop! You're EMBARRASSING me! *snort* *wink-wink*

[perfica.livejournal.com]

I don't know how long ago it was but, everywhere I'd look, there'd be someone saying, "Read this thing by an author called sgamadison." So I dutifully did and voila!

You're very welcome :D

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

I missed all that entirely! Good thing, too, I think. :-)